My heart was pretty scattered that day. I wanted an unhurried heart, but my body was fighting it. I felt pulled in so many directions, and each direction was calling for my full attention. I had sliced and served myself to one too many areas; The pieces of me were getting smaller and smaller. I decided to get a fresh breath of air to clear my head, and stepped outside with a mug of coffee. I sat in the cool morning sunlight pondering all this. I went over all my roles…I’m a wife, a mother, I’m still a daughter and a sister… I am a friend…and I have also felt called to serve here and oh yeah, that…but maybe I need to do…and I think you are calling me to be a…and that’s kind of scary. Lost in the steam swirling from my cup, I glanced upward and let my thoughts cry out to God. “So, I can’t be all of these things? Lord, who do you want me to be? Who am I?”
All of a sudden, your words fell. They fell silently on my heart like the first drop of a soft rain. It was just a gentle nudge. A still small quiet voice in my head answered back, “You are mine.”
My heart was humbled and full all at the same time. Did I hear that right? You were really listening God? You really care about me and my heart’s ramblings? And the thing that matters most to you God, more than all these roles and areas where I serve you, is just that I am yours?
No wonder I’ve been panting Lord, I am thirsty for you. Psalm 42: 1-2 (NIV) paints this kind of thirst beautifully, “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?” The Message Bible translates this verse, “I want to drink God, deep draughts of God.” Here I’ve sat wondering about the how and the what that you have wanted for my life, and all the while the thing that you wanted most was (and what you continue to want is) my heart. You want to quench my thirst. May I take in gulps of your love today Father. Being your child is the only role that fills me with your living water and leaves me thirsting no more. Let me just bask in this knowledge today. I am first and foremost your child. That is my greatest role. “Being yours” is and will be my greatest accomplishment here on this earth.
Lord, I want to gulp down your love today. I want to drink in so much of you that it runs out of the corners of my mouth. I am honored to be your child, your creation. You created me with limits, but you are the almighty. There are no limits to your strength and power, and love. You alone can fill my needs and the desires of my heart. When I look at my body and my skills Lord, the world might tell me I don’t have what it takes. You tell me I have the only thing it takes. When I say I don’t know who I am supposed to be, You tell me “you are mine.” Thank you Jesus. May I bask in this truth today. Amen.
Wondering how to know for sure that you belong to God? Continue reading “I can’t be all of these things”
Uh-oh Lord, here comes a big one! Some days it doesn’t take long to know that this day is going to be a real doozy. Whether physical circumstances or perhaps an emotional tidal wave, these swells can hit us out of nowhere. Feelings of sadness, anxiety, stress, worry, fear, anger, or frustration come and sometimes they crest into waves that can knock us off of our feet and threaten to take us under. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I see it coming, and I feel that all I can do is hold my breath and steady myself for the crashing wave. And sometimes we do go under, but God promises us his presence and a way out of the mighty waters. But doubts tend to creep in through the cracks of despair. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “Are you still there Lord, because I can’t see you!” I love that these raw and honest thoughts are recorded in the bible too. Psalm 77 is one such example.
